Observations from the Weekend that Wasn't

By Brett Pahler

Published Sep 22, 2004 at 12:00 AM

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I call it my, "I would not purchase your product if it was the last option on earth," plan.
This week’s winner of the "He’s Absolutely Terrible" Award: Patrick Ramsey.
Asking Shawn Alexander to pick up a yard on 3rd-and-1 is like asking a hydrophobiac to dive into an Olympic-size swimming pool.
Does anyone really believe that Marty Schottenheimer can do in lethargic, penny-pinching San Diego what he never could in the prime of his coaching years for organizations dedicated to winning, aka Cleveland, Kansas City, and Washington?
Fox Halftime Report Proposed Slogan: Nobody has more fun providing less information.
In case you missed Monday night’s Vikings-Eagles game, Terrell Owens dropped a touchdown pass that hit him in the hands. The referee blew the call, and thus, it counted as a touchdown. Owens subsequently danced one of his new dances, dunked the ball over the goal post, hung on the goal post for half a second, and then returned to the sidelines to bare his mouthpiece, which now has an Eagles insignia, at the camera for about 10 seconds, all in a stunning celebration of his bottomless talent. It’s difficult to fathom what festivities would have ensued had he actually caught the ball.
I vote for having some of the more intensely rambunctious FOX commentators "Miked Up" for the game. Oh wait, that’s what we listen to for three hours.
Despite reports to the contrary, I find it hard to believe that Parcells understudy Tom Coughlin, who presided over a successful Jacksonville franchise for eight seasons in relative obscurity, has flown off the handle and morphed Giants practices into a de facto military brigade. The Giants certainly don’t play like a disciplined regiment.
Early candidates for next week’s "He’s Absolutely Terrible" award: Joey Harrington and Kyle Boller.
They should use the replay monitor to review the psychiatric evaluations of referees who instinctively reach for their flags on game-deciding plays.

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Observations from the Weekend that Wasn't

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