Kyle Shanahan remembers the moment he knew it was over. Until that point, he still had hope. He had hope that his San Francisco 49ers would overcome the massive amount of adversity thrown their way and find a way to beat the Philadelphia Eagles in the NFC Championship Game.
It was all so heartbreaking for the head coach.
Shanahan had suffered through difficult losses before, but this situation was so unique. Entering the game, he believed in his team even though he had already lost two starting quarterbacks that season. He lost his third, rookie Brock Purdy, early in that championship game.
Even then, he still believed.
Then his fourth quarterback, Josh Johnson, was knocked out with a concussion. After that, the 49ers didn't have a chance. Everything sunk in late in the game.
"I almost got choked up on the headsets because there was like two minutes left," Shanahan told The Athletic's Tim Kawakami on "The TK Show" podcast. "It was like 30-7 or something, and it was the first time I got on the headset and go, 'Guys, I don't think we can do this.'
"And it was the first time I admitted it, and I almost couldn't finish the sentence. And I was just crushed. ... We knew that almost when Brock went out, but definitely right when Josh went out."
Until then, Shanahan still felt his 49ers would find a way to win the game, which he now admits is comical, given the circumstances. The coach still believed they had a shot at the Super Bowl.
"I'm just thinking, man, I hope Brock's not as bad as they're saying, and what's going to be our plan B? We're going to have to go get Philip Rivers, someone like that, for the Super Bowl," Shanahan said. "That's what I'm thinking because I didn't think Jimmy [Garoppolo] was going to be ready."
Garoppolo had suffered a broken foot during Week 13, 11 weeks after Trey Lance sustained a season-ending ankle injury. The 49ers refused to put Garoppolo on injured reserve, hoping he could back Purdy up had the team reached the Super Bowl.
"And all I'm thinking is, man, I hope Brock's not as bad as they're saying, and I hope someone like Philip Rivers is working out and ready to go here in two weeks because that's still our plan," Shanahan continued. "And when I accepted reality, it took me a while to get over."
Considering what could have been, Shanahan remembers being confident heading into the game, making the loss one of the toughest of his career.
"I don't like to talk about it because I don't want it to come off [as] anything taken away from the Eagles," Shanahan shared. "That team was really good, and both of us were, and that was going to be a battle. And they could have won it, and we could have won it.
"So I'm not saying I'm guaranteeing we would have won, but we sure as hell believed we were going to. And we were excited for that game. And we felt really good about our game plan, coaches and players. We felt really good about the matchup, and it was going to be a hell of a game. And to not be able to play that and to just lose it that way was a different thing to stomach.
"And I think that's what was just kind of new to us all, that I didn't know it would feel like this. Man, I had a heartbreaker the year before (NFC Championship game against the Los Angeles Rams) that was crushing, but I thought we blew that."
The 49ers will have a shot at redemption against the Eagles on December 3, when the two teams meet again at Lincoln Financial Field. The stakes won't be as high, but for the 49ers, it could serve as a confidence booster before heading into the final stretch of the regular season.
Shanahan has been close to the mountaintop on multiple occasions. He got to the big game as an offensive coordinator with the Atlanta Falcons. We all know how that turned out. He believed the 49ers could do what was needed to close out Super Bowl 54 against the Kansas City Chiefs. That didn't work out. Shanahan felt the 49ers could beat the Cincinnati Bengals had they gotten past the Rams a couple of years ago. And, of course, he missed out on a chance at redemption against the Chiefs last season.
The coach isn't giving up.
"I do plan on being a part of a team that wins one," Shanahan said. "I plan on trying to be in a situation where I have a chance to win one every year. And I strongly believe if we keep doing things the way that we do it, it is a matter of time."