Overreaction. We've all been there because we're all human. It's especially easy when we're 49ers fans.
I mean, should we really put any faith in a front office that has taken a team to two measly NFC Championships over the past three seasons? That's definitely grounds for overreaction!
Well, fear not! My five-step method puts the "over" in "overreact" and will put the polish on that time-tested art so that everyone can experience the euphoria of overreaction.
1. Flip out when a star player sanitizes his current team from all social media.
Social media is important. In fact, there's no better place to find calm, intelligent expressions of iron-clad logic. There's no refuting that cool heads prevail on Twitter every moment of every day.
Case in point? Let's just use a random example, say, Deebo Samuel, for instance.
When he scrubbed his social media accounts of every reference to the 49ers franchise, did we overreact? No sirree. Cool. Calm. Collected. That's what we were.
However, proper overreaction procedure tells us this is incorrect. Not only should a fanbase take that to mean a player is gone, that fanbase should, themselves, get on social media and blister this fact all over every media and social media channel they have access to.
If done properly, this kind of expression can go a long way towards enflaming a large number of people at the same time. Only a pro can truly pull this one off.
2. Jump to conclusions when a player seemingly jumps ship.
This may look like the first principle, but there's a subtle difference. This has nothing to do with social media (well, mostly). This focuses on subtle nods and head-bobs with a healthy dose of interpreting lack of eye contact.
We can gather a lot of intel from a player's lack of eye contact. Let's hypothetically say that a player is at a basketball game, and (hypothetically, of course) he won't look up at the screen when his visage appears for the world to see?
If we follow the book on the subtle art of overreaction, we will perceive that Deebo, (oops) I mean that player, is obviously expressing his disdain for the current administration and wants out. Right now. Completely out. No minicamp. No go.
It's nice to know Niners fans would never react this way, even if, say, Deebo Samuel were to do this. For the rest of the league, this is how you overreact properly.
3. Find a fixation, like the draft, and use it as a springboard for spreading the fire.
If the first two principles fail, it's always important to remember that using an event where people are already reacting to a plethora of stimuli can fuel the fires of overreaction. The draft is a perfect example where this kind of scenario plays out.
Not that this would happen, but let's say a random player, like Deebo for instance, has already seemingly displayed his disdain for the 49ers. Let's also say that neither that player nor the franchise has submitted a reasonable reason for or solution to, that yawning gulf between each other. Let's also, also say that the draft will steamroll through our lives in just a few weeks. Let's also, also, also say that we know the 49ers will face-plant this draft as they do EVERY year.
This sets up the perfect scenario for overreaction.
All one must do is post on some media or social media outlet that it's obvious to everyone that the franchise really doesn't want to deal with a diva and will certainly deal him to another team, raking in insurmountable draft capital to put toward winning a Super Bowl sometime in the next decade or two.
This may seem a little gimmicky. However, it's worked in the past, and it will certainly give anyone who wants to overreact a really good reason to do so.
4. Prepare for the worst. Assume the worst.
I know. I know. This sounds like two separate steps. It's actually not. It's two sides of the same coin. Or to be less cliché, it's two ends of the same horse. (Okay, that analogy didn't work so well.)
Assuming the worst means 99.32546% of the time that we've already done our homework and prepared for the worst in previous steps. If we're doing this right, a lot of the preparation is done. However, if we don't overachieve at overreacting, we've committed a colossal oversight (or something like that).
Case in point: Let's say a player (let's randomly use Deebo again) acts aloof throughout the offseason and doesn't attend optional practice periods (because ALL players attend optional practices ALL the time).
If Deebo were to (hypothetically) do this, the book on the art of overreaction tells us he obviously, definitely will skip mandatory minicamp. There's no doubt about this. He doesn't have a new contract in hand, so he will definitely sacrifice money from his current contract so that he can get traded and get more money later. In this case, less is more!
This principle makes overreacting so clear, as clear as our view of the future of the franchise. We're all clairvoyants at heart, after all.
5. Hone your craft.
Do this for every single unknown situation that concerns a player, even players with multiple years still on their contracts (say, Nick Bosa, although no one would necessarily do this with Nick Bosa).
Or we could just wait and let actual facts roll in and interpret them as they come. But that's boring. Who would ever want to do that?
So there you have it, my Five Principles for Properly Overreacting.
Do you have principles for fan overreaction? If so, leave your comments below so that we can all learn from each other. Happy overreacting!