Louis Murphy arrested on multiple charges, including possession of Viagra

...As the months passed, petty episodes of violence and isolated fits of malevolence worsened into full-scale acts of terrorism and anarchy. We underestimated the civilizing force that the ownership and coaching staffs had on these beasts. Even players once thought to be utterly moral and God-fearing transformed into rapacious monsters. With my own eyes (before they were later ripped from their sockets by Patriots corner Devin McCourty) I saw Tim Tebow and Larry Fitzgerald bite through the jugulars of an entire district of schoolchildren. They wouldn’t even settle for ripping their throats out with their hands. They had to use their teeth. If only my mind’s eye could be blinded as well. I don’t wish to see those images anymore.

Even as the violence escalated, military and civilian leaders were unconcerned about the threat, despite Florio’s continued pleas for sanity. After all, what match were a few hundred genetic freaks against the National Guard or, if needed, the rest of the Armed Forces? Of course, it wasn’t only the Pandora’s box of drug use and violent crime that was thrown open by the lockout, it was all kinds of conduct unbecoming of the league, specially sex. Antonio Cromartie and Willis McGahee could have increased the size of their fighting force tenfold on their own. When the players didn’t wish to risk their own bodies to topple the government, they had at their disposal a vast legion of unhinged fanboys willing to put love of Adrian Peterson above their own family and country. A regular human shield would have been effective enough on its own, but one so fat and blindingly pallid turned out to be immensely more impenetrable...