Man it's hard to write when you're angry.

It took me a long time to build up the nerve to revisit the game from Thanksgiving but I finally went to the DVR and reviewed all the footage I could. I promptly deleted all of that s**t soon thereafter.

Some specific footage in particular provided me what I needed to see and in my perception it means one of two things. Either the fix was in and the 49ers had no interest in winning that game, or this season is going to go from bad to worse in one hell of a hurry.

Not all of our readers have access to the Showtime Network's "Inside the NFL" but if you do, I suggest you catch their weekly recaps. You get some pretty fantastic NFL Films shots of the game and they have a lot of sideline action with audio. The imagery and sound are selected for mostly entertainment value, it's still a one hour show, but you get some pretty insightful shots of scenes from the game that can give you a glimpse into the mindset of the respective teams.

In this last week's case the highlight real was predictably short. However, two contrasting shots of coaches interacting with the players spoke volumes. As did the pregame speech which (now I could be corrected on this) Navorro Bowman delivered while in street clothes.

Bowman, implored his teammates to "get their minds right" and understand that this game meant their season. He stated this last point of fact as being obvious, which it was, and for them to acknowledge this fact and "act like it" meant this whole year could go down the drain. The team, all encircled around their wounded comrade, reacted accordingly.

Ominous words from the spiritual leader of this team. Even more ominous that he, not an active player and certainly not the quarterback, was deigned the one to deliver the most important speech of the year. It indicated he saw something missing in this group, that he knows players are detached from the goal, and that they weren't going to succeed without it. He was right.

Another shot of note, this time of Seattle Defensive Coach Ken Norton Jr. (remember him?) as he's coaching up his linebackers. They are focused on him and him only. He's preaching defensive scheme and giving his players the technique to stop the offense. At the end of his sentence, he holds his defensive players gaze a second longer and commands they confirm their understanding. They acknowledge him, and they obviously understood.

The last shot, now of Defensive Coach Jim Tomsula, shows him going through the similar process of coaching his defensive lineman. He's telling them the technique required to disrupt and gain access to Russell Wilson. Before he's finished his thought, the players are looking around and checking their equipment. Justin Smith and Tank Carradine seemed particularly interested in the camera right over their shoulders. The defense performed admirably in this game but ultimately folded.

The contrast of those last two scenes was significant. To me, it indicated that either these coaches have lost these players, or they never expected to win that game to begin with and gave the according level of effort.

Certainly, with all the turmoil between the coach and the front office, it would be understandable that the coaches could lose some control. If this is the case, shame on ownership for hamstringing their coach throughout this season. Jed's tweet came after the game, but it indicated that he'd been upset for some time. Throughout all this, the front office hasn't come out and slammed their coaches, but they sure haven't rushed to their defense either.

My other thought on this, and it really was borne of the two horrendous interceptions thrown by Kaepernick, was they're doing this on purpose. Either ownership is telling the players to sandbag and get Harbaugh out the door, or the NFL is involved and we're lining up for a 4 game win-streak, through Seattle, into the playoffs and on to Super Bowl history.

That last theory came from some pretty dark places and I'm not proud of my conspiracy-theory side, but dammit those throws were so bad they almost looked on purpose. That's armchair analysis right there, but when things are so bad they just don't make sense, you try to fill in the blanks.

No matter what, the team is still 7-5. It's too good a record to give up on for the year but just bad enough for us to almost cash it all in. Considering the trip to Seattle, nobody expects the team to win four more games. But this is a funny league.

We forget that Seattle is still just a divisional opponent. Divisional games are crazy. Anything can happen. Super Bowl champs can fall to last place teams, it happens all the time.

The good news is, we get to define this season really soon. Beating the Raiders is more or less presumed, but if they don't I think every fan will accept that this team was doomed from the start. Then, the game in Seattle is up next.

Conventional wisdom be damned, if the 49ers get to 8-5 and manage to win that game, we all know how jacked the whole team will be the rest of the way.

I believe in narratives and that nothing worth having can be appreciated without appropriate struggle. The greater the struggle, the greater the feeling of success is when it's finally attained.

The NFL has shown it cares nothing for justice and/or karma, but it rarely rewards the teams that cruise through the regular season with smooth sailing. If we're supposed to win this thing, it will have come on the heels of one of the hardest seasons any 49er fan has ever had to endure.