Alert Follow us at @49erswz until Twitter fixes the issues with our official account.

49ers Lite: Big D

Sep 5, 2014 at 6:57 AM0


In the all-encompassing spirit of Texas Football, where the game itself sometimes plays second fiddle to the surrounding hoopla:


AT&T Stadium

The letters "AT&T" stand for "Arlington, Texas, Texas." That's right, the Cowboys claim "Texas" as their country, not the USA. Most Texans do not claim allegiance to the United States. They seceded once and still wish they were a Republic. In fact, they often consider putting a wall around the entire state to keep Americans out, except, of course, for those who bring in revenue. As their tourist slogan once said "It's like a whole other country." The sprawling stadium mirrors the Texan belief that size makes right. However, if the Cowboys falter this year, we may have to revise the old Texas adage from "All hat, no cattle." to "All stadium, no competitive pro football team."

"The Catch"

Older Texans still seethe when they remember how a quiche-eating outfit from San Francisco defeated what was then called "America's Team." As a direct result, they now call the Cowboys "Texas's Team" in contradistinction to Houston, whose NFL team actually is called the "Texans." Folks in Dallas think Houston might secretly be part of some Caribbean country, if not Mexico. And while they're at it, Texan geographers insist that Alaska, with its socialist oil-revenue sharing, still belongs to Russia, which, of course, makes Texas still the largest by-God state in the lower forty-eight. You could look it up in a Texas textbook. (Hawaiians, please send all comments to Rick Perry.) Frankly, you probably won't see Dwight Clark drop out of the sky like an angel, to snatch Montana's end-zone pass, replayed on the gargantuan screens inside AT&T Stadium anytime soon. But Niners' fans remember the play.

Jerry Jones

The Cowboys' owner has had his face adjusted, his image retouched, and his hair immaculately combed. Why? Probably, like most Texans, he intends to run for president. His honorable intention: to make the rest of the country more like Texas. True, he actually hails from Arkansas, born in, yikes, California. Close enough. Anyway, the national media, assuming the man perpetually stumps for possible political office, loves to interview Jerry, what with his twinkly eyes, sweet tongue, and obvious joie de vivre. However, pay particular attention to his solemn poses when ensconced inside his rhinestone-studded luxury suite, and ask yourself: Does not this man appear presidential?

The Cowboys Cheerleaders

Well, back in the day, these gals (or, rather, their predecessors) got more attention than the game itself. Then, the major networks would set their cameras at low angles and zoom in on every … Enough, this is a family website. Since fourth-wave feminism, however, more fans feel free to ask whether Cowboy cheerleadership represents empowerment or exploitation, whether cheesecake masquerades as wholesomeness or vice versa. For some extra fun, listen to the comments from the announcers whenever a shot of a cheerleader shows up on their monitors, especially, rare in their profession, the dead silence. Andy Sidaris where are you?

The Commercials

No, opening-game ads don't match the Super Bowl when it comes to commercial creativity. But still, most companies do break out their seasonally new offerings, with fresh bits to entice consumers and subsequent data to justify advertising budgets to their corporate boards. Brand loyalty, product image, and the next "it" factor contend for our attention, all with great dollops of droll humor, cool music, and bold colors. So, enjoy the commercials. Make like those jovial Lone-Star legions, and grab your snacks during the game!

The views within this article are those of the writer and, while just as important, are not necessarily those of the site as a whole.


0 Comments

  • No Comments

Facebook Comments



More San Francisco 49ers News



'He taught me a ton': 49ers QB Jimmy Garoppolo talks Bill Belichick, says ankle has made 'big jumps'

By David Bonilla
Oct 21, 2020

Quarterback Jimmy Garoppolo joined KNBR on Wednesday morning as the San Francisco 49ers prepare to head on the road to face his former squad, the New England Patriots. Garoppolo spent his first three-and-a-half NFL seasons there learning behind future Hall of Famer Tom Brady under the tutelage of Bill Belichick. The Patriots head coach spoke with 49ers reporters on Monday and praised Garoppolo. "I mean, he's a quality player," Belichick said on a conference call. "The 49ers gave him a high contract that, you know, reflected their confidence in him going forward to lead their team, won the NFC Championship last year behind him. So, I think that all speaks for itself." During Wednesday's radio interview, Garoppolo was asked about Belichick's comments

Read the Full Article


ESPN predicts big rushing game for Cam Newton, Patriots win over 49ers

By David Bonilla
Oct 23, 2020

It looks like ESPN's beat writers for the San Francisco 49ers and New England Patriots are betting on the latter to win on Sunday. Both Mike Reiss and Nick Wagoner picked the Patriots to end their losing streak, and for Kyle Shanahan's squad to fall under .500 again. Wagoner, the NFL Nation writer for the 49ers, expects a big game on the ground from Patriots quarterback Cam Newton, who is going against a San Francisco defense that has struggled this season to contain athletic quarterbacks. "New England quarterback Cam Newton will rush for 90-plus yards," predicts Wagoner. "Believe it or not, Newton

Read the Full Article


49ers' Jason Verrett on facing Seahawks' D.K. Metcalf: 'The big-boy pads gotta come on'

By David Bonilla
13 hrs ago

San Francisco 49ers cornerback Jason Verrett has been having an impressive season so far. It's one that fans probably didn't see coming, given the defender's injury history. He has been a pleasant surprise for a defense that has been decimated by injuries. According to Pro Football Focus, opposing quarterbacks own a passer rating of 23.2 when targeting Verrett this season. That is the second-lowest rating allowed among NFL cornerbacks with at least 70 coverage snaps. Only Washington's Kendall Fuller has allowed a lower passer rating (9.3) when targeted. This weekend could be a big test for Verrett, though. He will go against D.K. Metcalf, who has muscled and sped his way to

Read the Full Article

Featured

More Featured Stories

More by D.C. Owens

All Articles by D.C. Owens

More Articles

All Articles
Share 49erswebzone