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Sports Bars, Barber Shops, Beauty Salons: 49er Season Predictions

Sep 1, 2013 at 5:39 PM


Unscientific, unscreened, hopelessly random, a consensus survey from three hearts of 49er fandom:

Sports Bars:

Demographic: approx. ages 21-40, mixed gender
Sample Size: 3 establishments, 35-40 participants
Predicted 2013 49er record: 12-4
Main reason(s): state-of-the-art team, stacked roster, excellent coaching, superior management
MVP: Colin Kaepernick
Eshmont Award winner: Kaepernick
Bobb McKittrick Award winner: Joe Staley
Most underrated: Ian Williams
Best newcomer: Eric Reid
Cutest 49er: Kaep

Barber Shops:

Demographic: approx. ages 30-75, male
Sample Size: 2 establishments, 15-20 participants
Predicted 2013 49er record: 10-6
Main reason(s): too much eye-candy, not enough blood-and-guts; too much trickery, not enough trench work; too many tattoos
MVP: Justin Smith
Eshmont Award winner: Donte Whitner
Bobb McKittrick Award winner: Anthony Davis
Most underrated: Ray McDonald
Best newcomer: Anquan Boldin
Cutest 49er: "Get your a__ outa here!"

Beauty Salons:

Demographic: approx. ages 20-75, female (with a smattering of children, toddlers, and infants, none of whom participated in the survey, although some periodically did chime/wail in)
Sample Size: 2 establishments, 15-20 participants
Predicted 2013 49er record: 11-4-1
Main reason(s): team will not regress, but may not go as far in the playoffs
MVP: Phil Dawson/Andy Lee
Eshmont Award winner: Vernon Davis
Bobb McKittrick Award winner: Mike Iupati
Most underrated: Perrish Cox
Best newcomer: Eric Mangini
Cutest 49er: Quinton Patton

Consensus farewell, all groups:

GO NINERS!
The opinions within this article are those of the writer and, while just as important, are not necessarily those of the site as a whole.


2 Comments

  • Dominic
    This was really fun. Thanks for sharing.
    Sep 4, 2013 at 7:09 AM
    0
    Response: Thank you.
  • Monsterniner
    Sports Bars is ok........Barber Shops are kranky and what about the females that are predicting the same record of the last year.
    Sep 2, 2013 at 10:00 PM
    0


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