20% off at the official 49ers online store with code COACH20 →

49ers Hire Mangini as Manikin

Jun 3, 2013 at 6:57 AM


In a move long anticipated by dedicated 49er watchers, the team last week hired Eric Mangini. The blogosphere immediately exploded with speculation as to the exact nature of Mr. Mangini's duties. Some said he posed a threat to the Niners' existing offensive/defensive coordinators. Others suspected he represented a nefarious plot by his ex-boss, Bill Belichick, to pass along top-secret 49er plays via video. Still others insisted that the Prospectors, beneath their new stadium, would construct a dungeon where the mad genius, "Mangenius," could work his magic with potions, spells, and discarded confetti.

 

However, sifting through the admittedly sketchy details, it now appears the red-and-gold hired the dapper Mangini for another reason altogether. The 49ers, it seems, have hired Eric Mangini to promote, and to model, Coach Jim Harbaugh's line of clothing, just announced this last April 1st. In retrospect, this makes perfect sense. Mangini is pretty, photogenic, and he plays well with others. Also, during his recent stint with ESPN, he learned to pose for cameras, and to wear copious makeup while doing so.  

In today's high-turnover high-fashion world, clothing designs become obsolete faster than celebrity marriages, and Harbaugh's initial line, based on his sideline attire, rapidly lost traction once fans had purchased one of everything. After all, how many pairs of white socks can one person use? Mangini's debonair image will serve to spice up the basic offerings of Harbaugh Haute Couture. For instance, instead of the baseball cap favored by Coach Jim, Coach Eric will wear a thinking-beanie with a red-and-gold pinwheel affixed to the crown. The Eric Line will also feature fur-lined undergarments (I detest the term "jockstrap" – so ineluctably gauche.), just like the original 49ers wore during those long winters cooped up in miners' camps.  

Supposedly, negotiations among Harbaugh, Mangini, and the team continue with regard to whom, exactly, will get what out of this joint venture, but the start-up had to do something, as even the sales in Cupertino and San Rafael declined precipitously in recent weeks. Now, given Mangini's enduring popularity in the Northeast, New York, and the entire state of Ohio, Harbaugh Haute Couture will soon open new stores on the Cuyahoga River, downtown Boston, and Fifth Avenue.  

Maybe this opportunity to display some beefcake will help Eric to shed the dread nickname "Mangenius," a title he neither sought nor cultivated, and a sobriquet he has come to consistently regret, as he still receives overwhelming amounts of letters from Silicon Valley entrepreneurs, fast-food vendors, and aging spies. When asked to comment on his former protégé's hunk-factor, Coach Bill Belichick hunkered down in his hoody and almost audibly grunted, surely a robust endorsement. Be that as it may, now that Eric has swapped brains for brawn, expect to see the new magnetic Mangini soon, refurbished and rebranded, perhaps attired in top hat, white tie, and tails, all embossed with the natty red-and-gold 49ers logo.

The opinions within this article are those of the writer and, while just as important, are not necessarily those of the site as a whole.


0 Comments

  • No Comments

Facebook Comments



More San Francisco 49ers News



49ers re-sign Jordan Matthews, two others to the practice squad, announce kicker moves

By David Bonilla
Oct 5

The San Francisco 49ers announced the following roster moves ahead of the team's Week 5 matchup against the Arizona Cardinals. LB Tyrell Adams, TE Jordan Matthews, WR Connor Wedington were signed to the practice squad. LB Curtis Bolton, RB Kerryon Johnson, and RB Chris Thompson were released from the practice squad. K Joey Slye was signed to a one-year deal. K Robbie Gould was placed on injured reserve. The 49ers re-signed Matthews as tight end George Kittle continues to deal with a calf injury and is considered to be day-to-day. Kittle was active and played in Week 4's loss to the Seattle Seahawks. San Francisco parting ways with Johnson and Thompson could be a sign of confidence that running back Elijah



San Francisco 49ers at Arizona Cardinals odds and pick - Week 5, 2021

By Winston Chung
Oct 5

The San Francisco 49ers' stock went from potential contenders to hoping for a playoff spot during their two-game, home losing streak and will now go on the road to challenge the lone undefeated team in the NFL, the Arizona Cardinals, whose stock could not be higher. Here we discuss the odds and analysis from a betting perspective. When: Sunday October 10th, 2021 1:25pm PT (FOX) Where: State Farm Stadium, Glendale, Arizona Line: 49ers +5.5, over/under 50.5 Arizona Cardinals The Arizona Cardinals are coming off of their biggest win of the season after going into the Los Angeles Rams' home as 4-point underdogs and completely smashing LA by the score of 37-20 to emerge on top of the NFC West and the only undefeated team



49ers stock plummets in Week 5 NFL Power Rankings

By Chris Wilson
Oct 6

The analysts who were clamoring for backup quarterback Trey Lance no longer believe the 49ers are a playoff-caliber team. When San Francisco 49ers defensive coordinator DeMeco Ryans was exposed in Week 3, the young coordinator's incompetence was far from a hot topic of conversation amongst members of the national sports media -- if it was even discussed at all. After months of fawning over rookie quarterback Trey Lance, the media finally got its wish in Week 4, as the latest future of the 49ers' franchise played the entire second half of the Niners' loss to the Seattle Seahawks. The rookie certainly looked the part during the team's defeat, simply proving what was obvious all along: He's not ready; but who expected him to be? Although analysts



49ers-Cardinals: How to watch, stream, and listen to the Week 5 matchup

By Site Staff
Oct 6

After two consecutive losses at home, the San Francisco 49ers hope to turn things around on the road against the NFC West-leading Arizona Cardinals. The Niners look to improve to 33-27 overall against the division foe. The Bay Area squad has won three of the past four matchups between the two teams. The 49ers have also won each of the previous two meetings at State Farm Stadium. San Francisco is coming off a 21-28 loss to the Seattle Seahawks at Levi's Stadium. Arizona is undefeated and coming off a 37-20 victory over the Los Angeles Rams. Wide receiver Deebo Samuel finished the game with eight receptions for 156 yards and two touchdowns, marking his first


Featured

More by D.C. Owens

More Articles

Share 49ersWebzone