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The Persistently Positive Nature of Ninertalk. WTF happened?: An Investigation (FIN)

  • fropwns
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I am more confused than a redneck with his female, or not, cousin. What in the name of Captain Hindsight
is going on around here anyway?

As many of you know, I've been around a long ass time. I have read, witnessed, modded, or taken part in just about every crazy ass debate that has gone on in Ninertalk. I was one of the fools that sought, drooled over, this man....


I am, of course, happy to report that he no longer is this bad and has turned into a "nice" QB. I wish him and his family well. (BULL s**t DETECTOR.COM TRANSLATION SAYS: "We will smoke his small handed ass! RAWR!")

I recognize, therefore, tensions in Ninertalk better than most. But, as of today, I must say that I am f**king impressed. Maybe we are all aging. Maybe its hubris--I'll come back to this. Maybe we are hoping like hell that San Antonio takes the Raiders, whatever the f**k it is, you dudes have changed.

Think about what we have seen. I have been asking myself this question quite a bit lately: "What the hell was this offseason all about anyway?" Let's recap, shall we?


Harbs vs. Baalk


Grand Theft Auto: Cully Lockdown Corner Edition



False accusations about our QB (TEACHERS! LEAVE THEM KIDS ALONE! Pink Floyd ref #1)



There is, of course, also this handsome, crazy, and I am very pleased to report, sober devil:




So, we got past all of that s**t. Only to be rewarded with several bright shiny turds over the past few weeks.

Again, let's recap it:



Do you know these two? One you do know, his name is Kendall Hunter. When healthy, say two years ago, he was an excellent change of pace back for the Niners. Now, for the second time in as many years, he is out with a season ending knee injury. Get well, Kendall!

Who's the other guy in the photo? I dunno some dude from Oregon who has still not arrived, but will be out for a bit as well. MEMO TO LMJ, now or never, man. Now or never. C'MON MAN! WE NEED YOU! WE GOT YOU!



Then a couple of WR's went down for the next couple of weeks:



Crabs and Lloyd, the latter especially,

needs reps with the first team. The dude is running his route backwards! No wonder he ducked the damn ball. Seriously, Lloyd losing time hurts his chances. I would love redemption for him. He seems more mature, more humble, and he gave up the hippty-hop!

All of you know my deep affection for Navarro Bowman. So no need to show the "picture". Our defense is adapting without him. The injury gods don't give a fuuuuuuuu, though. To prove it, they dropped a M.O.A.B. on training camp, and as a result, it landed squarely on our defensive line.



It appears that Mr. Dorsey is out for the ……… foreseeable future. I won't, and the Niners won't, say anything else till we know.

Now, let us be clear, crystal clear. This season is not about any of the following:

  • Good intentions
  • Just getting to the playoffs
  • Breaking in a new stadium named after something you wear on your ass.
  • Getting revenge on the Seahawks
  • Getting to the NFC title game and losing
  • Getting to the NFL Championship game and losing


This is an all caps moment, I apologize.

IT IS ABOUT GOING TO AND WINNING THE SUPER BOWL! THE FATE OF THE NINER UNIVERSE, JIM'S BANK ACCOUNT, AND RIC FLAIR ARE ON THE LINE HERE!

So why is it, after all these years, that all I hear is positive thinking? Holy s**t stains, Batman! Is it possible that we have moved from the victim to the victor? Over the course of this month, I am going to explore this phenomenon further.
[ Edited by fropwns on Aug 3, 2014 at 11:08 AM ]
  • fropwns
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Part II

"Hello. We play to win the game."

Herm Edwards maxim is an excellent starting point for us. After all, has another coach's blatant honesty in a televised statement resonated any more than the gem he gave us so long ago?



It is ageless, timeless, really. "We play to win the game."

Except for one thing. Prior to our "renaissance", we were lousy. We played all right, but we sure as hell weren't winning the game.




From 2003 to 2010, though prior to this I contend that we can glean glimpses of the impending collapse, we sucked major donkey balls.



2003: 7-9

2004: 2-14 (Our worst season since 1979, I want to spend some time on this, but I cannot here. It is no coincidence that I joined the site in that year. In our society, we enjoy visual stimulation. So here is what I saw, back in good old 2004, when I first joined.
I am not saying my arrival is special; I am saying I was driven to find a place to share my misery about the downfall of my, but really our, 49ers. It should be noted, if you fancy yourself a fan of the site, you should look at the oldest members. The majority joined in 2004. Including, for what it is worth, four HOF posting members (this number will grow with time). In other words my friends, 2004 was rough, but important for the success of this place.)


2005: 4-12

2006: 7-9

2007: 5-11

2008: 7-9

2009: 8-8

2010: 6-10

We all know what has happened since:

2011: 13-3, NFC Championship loss

2012: 11-4-1, NFL Championship loss

2013: 12-4, NFC Championship loss

They have not been easy losses. We lost those games by a combined 12 points. These were crushing losses that displayed our inexperience, lack of playmaking ability, and the unfortunate reality that we were playing from behind. I am not saying there wasn't any grumbling about any of these defeats, but underneath it all a steady and defiant attitude prevails.


Since we all agree that we enjoy visual stimulation, I would choose to capture our defiance in this image:




If this were not enough, I would humbly offer this:




I want to see that again.




Is this not enough for those in the minority who still cling to the teat of dissension and despair of yesterday?




Is this still not enough for you?




Here I pose this first of many questions to you:



Does winning cure all? Did it solely change the entire attitude of Ninertalk?

For those who wonder why we should care, I offer this: Good or bad, the 49ersWebzone is the premier 49er fan-based site on the web. Show me another that is better. Show me another that has grown exponentially over the past decade. What I propose is no different then taking a sounding in a river or, if you prefer, a polling of voters. It is not just Ninertalk who has changed, but by the ghost of Bill Walsh, the entire fan base of the Five Time World Champions has changed.


I ask again, "Does winning cure all?"










Feel free to discuss this below.
[ Edited by fropwns on Aug 19, 2014 at 9:48 PM ]
  • fropwns
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Part III




"Is it the shoes, money?" Err..."Is it the pants, money? Is it the pants?"



Since 1979, the following have been our head coaches:

Bill Walsh: 1979-1988


92-59-1, .609 win percentage, 10-4 in playoffs, 3-0 Super Bowls. THE GOLD STANDARD! The idiots that voted him the second greatest coach can.........(CENSORED).

George Seifert: 1989-1996


98-30, .766 winning percentage, 10-5 playoffs, 2-0 Super Bowls. THE SILVER FOX!

Steve Mariucci: 1997-2002


57-39, .594 winning percentage, 3-4 playoffs. THE MOOCH!

Dennis Erickson: 2003-2004



9-23, .281 winning percentage (GASP!), no playoff appearances. HE HUNTED WABBITS!


Mike Nolan: 2005-2008



18-22, .327, no playoff appearances. DUDLEY DOORIGHT!

Mike Singletary: 2008-2010



18-22, .462 winning percentage, no playoff appearances. THE SAMURAI THAT DROPS HIS PANTS!

Jim Tomsula (OH YEAH, YOU THOUGHT I FORGOT? HELL NO!): 2010 (For a game)



A staggering one loss record, 1-0, 1.000 winning percentage, no playoff appearances.

"GUT 'EM!"

Jim Harbaugh: 2011-Present


36-11-1, .760 winning percentage, 5-3 playoffs, 0-1 Super Bowl CAPTAIN COMEBACK KHAKIS!!!

There can be no question that the addition of Harbaugh back in 2011 made a world of difference for the 49ers. It has not, however, all been roses. Many would question his handling of Greg Roman, the Alex vs. Colin situation, and his hilarious, but explosive antics on the sideline. Personally, I love the dude, but he is 1-3 in the NFC Championship, 0-1 in the Super Bowl. Forget the fact he has two years left on his deal. HIS CONTRACT YEAR IS THIS SEASON, PEOPLE!

Is this crazy genius bastage the reason we remain so positive?

I look forward to your comments below.
[ Edited by fropwns on Aug 8, 2014 at 7:13 PM ]
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Part IV

"What if it is something so bland. Something so mundane as.......the front office?"


It isn't Sexy, but a well organized machine, Gordon Ramsey reminds us, starts at the top.



John York should never, under any circumstances, hold water bottles around the 49ers.




With all do respect to Doctor John York, I think we, perhaps unfairly, laid all of the blame of the 49ers failures on he and his wife, Denise.

It really isn't fair, and it wasn't all their fault. Serious blame should have went to this man:



Look, we all love Eddie D, but the river boat fiasco placed the Niners on a path that landed them at the ass end of the league. He will be in HOF soon enough; he will. We cannot blame him for the ineptness of the early years under the Yorks, but with every cloud there is the proverbial silver lining.




Every time, I see or hear from this dude, I always think about this other dude:








Then it came to me, Mandrake during the act of typing an epic post for the Webzone. Shane McMahon has largely disappeared and is no longer really involved with the WWE.

Mandrake, do you know what that means?


It means, Mandrake, that Shane McMahon is Jed York!


How's that for your hardcore Fropwns conspiracy theories?


Webzone, what say you? Is a change in ownership good enough to make you positive?
[ Edited by fropwns on Aug 19, 2014 at 9:47 PM ]
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Fin

"The Players?"

Nah, it couldn't be that the 49ers are stacked--look at the injuries we have suffered: Bowman, Dorsey, Hunter, et.al. And here we still stand. HERE WE STILL STAND!


It begins and ends with this dude:



Don't agree? In the Super Bowl, he was the last one with the ball in his hands. In the NFC Championship last season, he was the last one with the ball in his hands.

THIS DUDE HAS DEMONS! I LIKE DEMONS! Demons motivate us to perform beyond our expectations.




Then there is this dude. People here, there, everywhere, say that this man has lost a step. Or has he? No doubt the years have taken a toil on his body. But with Bowman out for at least half the season, Willis has to return to his ALPHA role on the defense. This means more tackles for loss, this means he will be flying all over the damn place. IT. MEANS. WHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAA NELLY!



There is another dude that must play a critical role:





I remain a believer in slights both personal and professional. It is what Jordan needed, hell he invented them. It is what some need to get over the hump. Sherman believes there is a beef with him and Crabs. Well that goes two ways, motherf**kers. The DB from the NW has repeatedly thrown Crabs under the bus since the Niners defeat in Seattle. You think Crabs forgot that s**t? Do you really? I don't. HE NEEDS TO BURN SHERMAN. And in a twist of historical irony, Crabs will have his own "March to the Sea" and burn Sherman in his own house. Just wait.

No, I have not mentioned all the Niners. Hell, I haven't even mentioned all of their stars. Because for me, I feel these men have the most to prove this year. Our championship fortunes ride on their collective back.

So, tell me, is this reason we are so positive around here?

[ Edited by fropwns on Aug 20, 2014 at 4:35 PM ]
lol, Captain Hindsight, awesome. South Park rules.
  • Tman
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Fro to the rescue
  • fropwns
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Originally posted by Tman:
Fro to the rescue

That's my point, bro. There is NOTHING to rescue. You doods have got the swag! But why?
Awesome post
It might have something to do with the fact, that this year, we have the most talent we have had in the last 20 years.
LOL
  • luv49rs
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lmao I heart fro
It's because we trust Harbaugh.
Yes, yes, that's it, hold that thought.
Puppies